I am a homebody. I love my family; I love my house; I love my room, which is filled with books and soft shades of yellow and blue.
But for a homebody, I am almost never home.
The beautiful location of my internship, yet again far from home.
I didn’t realize when I went on my gap year that travel would become a permanent part of my life. I thought that I would spend a few months in the Netherlands, then come home and live a typical college life. But love does strange things to people, and falling in love with a boy across the world meant that I traveled to see him about as much as I did to see my parents.
Then throw my ambition into the mix. Suddenly I have a year in Oxford, an internship up north, and a job back home. This summer was planned down to the day, with only four days of vacation between my various commitments. I thought it would be fine. After all, this has been the pace of my life for the last three and a half years. I’m always working and traveling, with barely any time to breathe.
But at the end of three and a half years at that pace, I’m… tired.
I wake up tired. I go to bed tired. I am burnt out and emotionally worn. I need rest.
And after me feeling that way for a few weeks, my back gave out. I have a recurring injury that tends to act up when I do too much, and evidently, I was doing too much. That daily pain coupled with my emotional exhaustion meant that something had to change.
So I chose to stop. I left a great internship so I could go home and get well. And while it was a hard choice to make, and I struggled with shame and sadness for a while, it is one of the first major self-care decisions I’ve made since taking my gap year. I am proud of that.
I struggle with the idea of giving up on something, whether that be a project or a book or an internship. But I recognize, too, that the past few weeks have taught me a lot, even if, in the end, my job was only half-finished.
Those weeks introduced me a few wonderful friends.
They gave me an experience that will help influence the rest of my life.
And they reminded me of what’s important. Not the hours working, but those moments in between that we spend with loved ones and taking care of ourselves.
This time, it may not be “on to the next adventure” just yet. But I know it will still be on to something good.
