Recently, I’ve been thinking about blogging and authenticity.
Blogging, by nature, is dishonest. I can’t share every moment of my life with the internet (nor would I want to!). As a result, I choose those parts that best represent either me or what I’m trying to say. Because that’s how blogging works – picking and choosing – many blogs show bloggers at their best: as shiny, happy people with wonderfully organized, beautiful lives. I might be guilty of this.
There are also blogs that strive not to show perfection, but even those blogs paint a too-beautiful picture of the mess of real life. I might guilty of this, too. I try to be honest on my blog about struggle, but even then, I tend to end on a happy note. I don’t want to seem ungrateful for the extraordinary gift of life. I don’t want to seem out of touch with the many ways in which I am lucky.
But sadness is not beautiful. Illness is not beautiful. They are hard, and harrowing, and when they are at work, they can strip me of the ability to feel even okay, let alone grateful. And I feel, in a way, like it is my responsibility to be honest about that.
So I try. I actively try to blog about the things that are hard for me: sadness, illness, feelings of inadequacy. Eating disorders, recovery, and stretch marks. And you know what? It’s really hard. It’s hard to be authentic without invading the privacy of my friends and family. It’s hard to be honest without giving away the last bits of my own privacy. But at the same time, I don’t want you to think that my life is just Christmases and trips to Italy and being in love. It is also worry and enormous amounts of hard work.
I didn’t plan to blog this way when I started this website. I think I just wanted to write cute little stories about my life and adventures. But with the slow acquisition of an audience has come to need to be honest about what life is really like.
For every moment like this…
There are a hundred like that.
Because hardship is part of what it means to be human, and when I contribute to the canon of perfect, manicured blogs, I worry that people will think that they are alone in struggling.
Because I know that young people read this blog, and I think that being a good influence is more than just being positive. I think it means being honest.
