People talk about best friend goals all the time, but I really feel like I hit the jackpot. There are few things that I love more in life than my friends. Through the best and worst of times they have always been at my side, whether traveling across the world to see me, writing me cards and letters on tough days, or just being there for a cup of tea and a hug. In turn, I do my best to be a good friend to them by making them feel special and loved. Today, I'm sharing a list of ways you can make your friends feel special! Be sure to read below, and leave a comment letting me know what you do to help your friends feel appreciated.
Give them an unusual compliment.
I'm the Leslie Knope of my group of friends; not only because I'm immensely enthusiastic, but also because of my unusual compliments. (A recent winner was: “You are the baby sun lighting up the lives of all of us Teletubbies.”) You don't need to be creative or, let's face it, weird to make your friends feel appreciated, though! An original compliment, especially on something other than clothing or appearance, can go a long way. Think about the characteristics that you love about your friends. Here are some examples:
- I really admire how kind you are to others
- I respect how engaged you are with politics and justice
- Your faith really inspires me
- You're so fun to be around
Do your best to be thoughtful and authentic. Your compliment can really make someone's day!
Introduce them thoughtfully
I have a lot of friends from different parts of my life: my dorm community, my faith group, my classes, or or my organizations, for example. Often, if I sit in the dining hall and people join me, I'll end up sitting with a few friends who may know me, but not each other. A great way to make your friends feel included is to introduce them with an interesting fact to spark future conversations. For example: “Emefa, this is Julie. Julie is a Computer Science major who is involved with Jewish life on campus. Julie, Emefa studies English and volunteers with Habitat for Humanity on the weekends.” This way, when you leave the table or if Julie and Emefa run into each other later, they already know enough about each other to start asking questions.
Help them feel included
In group settings, inside jokes and stories may come up. Make sure that if someone at the table wasn't there or doesn't get it, you either briefly explain the comment to them, or bring up something that you experienced together so they feel included.
Me and a close friend together after a Pentatonix concert!
Don't be on your phone around them
In the technology-driven world we live in, it's very normal for people to constantly be on their cell phones. As a result, when someone I'm with puts their phone away and really focuses on me, I am extra appreciative and it really makes me feel special! I now do my best to put my phone away around my friends, as well, and to let them know when I'm about to glance at it (“I quickly need to check who's calling, but after that, I'm all yours”). Staying off my phone also helps me be a better listener and be more attentive to my friend!
Give them a thoughtful gift
Gift-giving is a great way to show your care for someone. Gifts don't need to be expensive or elaborate to be thoughtful; one of the most thoughtful gifts I've ever gotten was an inexpensive fill-in-the-blank book called Why You're So Awesome, which my bestie Taylor filled out for me. I've since taken it with me to every city I've lived in, because it helps keep Taylor close!
If you're looking for a thoughtful gift, think of small things that might make your friend feel appreciated, whether it's a copy of her favorite magazine and a bottle of nail polish for a “self-care kit,” or a book she mentioned a few weeks ago.
Make them dinner
A good friend of mine has some severe food allergies that make it harder for her to eat in the dining hall. My friends and I wanted to make her a special “gourmet” meal that she could eat, so we found allergy-friendly recipes and got to work. We also decorated our dorm kitchen to be extra cozy and feel a little celebratory. She was truly touched!
Making dinner for your friends is a really sweet and thoughtful way to make them feel special, especially in college when dining options can feel a little stifling. Get together with some other friends and cook to treat one person! It will help minimize costs, and you'll have more fun in the kitchen.
Me, one of my favorite people, and a bunch of asparagus
Text them when something reminds you of them
When I see a funny sign, a street that shares a name with my friend, or even a cute puppy in a sweater, I'll take a picture and send it to the friend it reminded me of. It's a nice way to stay connected and remind your friends that you're thinking of them! Also, who wouldn't want to see a puppy in a sweater? Seriously.
Ask them about their thoughts and opinions
Especially when we're swamped with work or midterms, it's easy to let conversation slip into small talk. But asking your friends about more serious or interesting topics is a great way to get to know them better and make them feel heard. Ask about what they're reading or which class is their favorite and why.
Help them feel safe
We're living in a time when a lot of people are made to feel unsafe by the language and behavior of others. Do your best not just to be a good friend, but to be an ally to your friends. Confront language that marginalizes them or makes them feel unsafe. Offer to walk with them if they're nervous to go somewhere alone. Listen to them when they need to vent, and do your best to understand and legitimize their feelings. Friends need to stick together!
Take them out to something fun
Time together is always fun, but unusual trips make for extra-special memories. If you're celebrating a birthday or the end of a semester, offer to take your friends to something fun and different. Some great ideas would be ice skating, rock climbing, or the zoo. Used bookstores are also always fun, and there are usually great free events in the city if you go to school in or near a metropolitan area.
With one of my favorite people on the way to a Jack O'Lantern Festival
Give them a $5 treat-yourself gift card
Gift cards are often thought to be unthoughtful gifts for birthdays or holidays, but as a surprise gift, they can make someone feel really special. A $5 gift-card to Starbucks or a local café with a little card or post-it (“I like you a latte – have a coffee on me!”) is a really nice way to give your friend a pick-me-up if they're feeling down.
Take them out for coffee
On the other hand, it can also be really nice to actually take your friend out for coffee. I love getting coffee or tea with my friends and chatting, hanging out, or doing work together (side-note: I'm actually working next to Ken in a Starbucks right now, but this time, he paid!). Paying for yourself is enough, but offering to pay for the other person is also a nice, small way to be generous.
Ask about members of their family (by name!)
A lot of my friends have siblings that they're really close to. I always find it extra thoughtful when my friends ask after my brother by name. I've started making an effort to memorize the names of my friends' family members to ask about them and how they're doing. Better yet, try to remember what you can about your friends' siblings – asking how Ellis' wedding-planning is going, or how Alice is doing at Stanford, is a great way to show your friend that you listen to them!
Follow up on important conversations
If my friend is struggling with something, whether it's schoolwork, future plans, or a family issue, I always do my best to ask about it in the weeks after. Sometimes it takes a long time to process difficult things, and making sure that your friend is doing okay in the weeks after a challenge is always appreciated.
Craft them something
If you like to craft, making a gift for your friend is a great way to make them feel special. One of my friends has been watercolor painting decorations for my door, and it always brightens my day! I have a few craft tutorials you could try to make for a friend, including flower crowns or a terrarium.
Write them a card
When I go to a new city, I like to pick out post-cards for my friends. Cards for birthdays and holidays are also a nice way to leave a lasting memory. I know a lot of my friends like to tack up cards to their walls, or save them in a binder.
Decorate their door
The doors in my dorm have dry erase boards on them, so my friends and I often write messages to each other. They also have cork boards, so we'll sometimes leave each other cards, watercolor paintings (as my friend does), or other little things. Adding things to your friend's door, or even decorating it for a birthday or event, is a fun way to make your friends feel special.
Bring them a cup of tea
Drinking tea with my friends is one of my favorite ways to spend an evening in. Sometimes a to-go cup of tea is also nice, though! Every once in a while, I'll grab a disposable coffee cup and bag of tea, write a little note, and leave them at a friend's door. It's a small and inexpensive way to show someone you're thinking of them.
Sharing a cup of tea with my basically-roommate, Taylor
Go to something that's important to them
Your friend has probably invited you to their plays, art shows, meets, or even lectures in their department. If you have the time, going to something that's important to your friend is a really thoughtful way to make your friends feel special!
Invite them to your events
If you have a meet, a play, or something else going on that you're proud of, invite your friends! Especially if you're already taking care to be a kind and thoughtful friend to them, I'm sure they would love to come and support you.
That's all I've got for today, but I'd love to hear from you in the comments:
How do you show your friends that you appreciate them?