Almost immediately after I wrote about having no bad days at Oxford, I ended up going to the Emergency Room.
I’ve been taking the same daily medication for almost four years. About two weeks ago, it turned out that my body had developed a sudden allergy to that medication, which was leading to a dangerous and potentially life-threatening condition. Taking me off of the medication immediately put me at risk for seizures, but the doctors felt the risk of the condition was greater, so I was put on seizure watch for a week.
I had three doctor’s appointments and two ER visits in four days. I wish I could make a joke about it, but it wasn’t very funny, so instead here’s a picture of me looking cranky in a library:
As I was falling asleep last night, I was thinking about my various health-related misfortunes at Oxford. At the moment, they include:
- Fresher’s flu – basically just an irritating cold.
- Back injury.
- Life-threatening allergic reaction to medicine.
- Brand-new foot injury that I have no idea how I sustained, as of yesterday (yes, really).
So this raises two questions. One, what-on-earth kind of lifestyle am I living that I am getting sick or injured this often in this short a period of time? (Let me tell you: zero skydiving and clubbing; mostly libraries and time with friends.) And two, how on earth, considering all the things that have gone wrong since I’ve been here, am I still happy?
I’d like to say that it’s all natural resilience. I have a fighting spirit and I have kept my chin up in the toughest of situations. But I think a lot of it is also just plain luck. A big part of life, for me, is accepting that things always change, good and bad. When you live with health problems, whether intermittent or chronic (or both! Lucky me!) you have to accept that those things will take their toll when they feel like it, regardless of how inconvenient it is for you, your job, your schoolwork, or your loved ones.
I have a health condition – the thing for which I take the above medication – and sometimes that knocks the wind out of me with seemingly no cause, as it did last semester. Sometimes it keeps me going even when things are falling apart, like it is for me right now. Sometimes it feels like I can’t escape it, and sometimes it’s like it’s barely a part of my life at all. And a big part of living with many chronic conditions, including mine, is accepting that. Accepting that things will always change, from good to bad and back again, and doing your best to make peace with that.
I think that’s part of the reason I’ve stayed so happy and positive so far this term. Some of it us luck – right now, my condition happens to be helping me through whatever else is going on. But a part of it, I think, is that I’ve lived with this long enough now that I am better at accepting the bad as a part of the good.
I wouldn’t wish chronic health problems on anyone. But in many ways, it has made me a better, stronger, more compassionate, more courageous person. It has better-equipped me to handle life’s ups and downs. And for that, today, I am grateful.
Self-love selfies forever.
Disclaimer: I’ve intentionally left parts of this post vague because I don’t feel comfortable sharing the details of my health condition at the moment. Thank you for respecting my privacy.
